Cripes, each day I scour the tabloid rags and read about these emotionally stunted celebrities and their foolish antics and I just scratch my head (dandruff perhaps?). Hollywood is sincerely, just a more glamorous version of high school and isn’t that just really, really sad?

Ultimately it’s boring, repetitive and stupid, which is why I don’t post as much as most other celeb sites, because frankly, these people, ahem, bore the sh*t out of me. Sure, I want to comment on why Lindsay Lohan can’t keep her snatch covered (even when she seems to be sporting some kind of venereal sore), or why Heidi and Spencer are the two biggest twats on the planet, or why Jennifer Aniston can’t seem to wrangle a decent man, or whatever dumb stuff these tabloids come up with, but I guess I am just too lazy to force myself to pretend it’s worth writing about.

But then, sometimes, you come across such flagrant assholishness that even a jaded, professional tabloid-hound like me can’t it pass up. This is one of those stories.

Ashlee Simpson, little sis of fatty-bo-batty Jessica Simpson, is married to that fruity-ish fellow from Fall Out Boy, Pete Wentz. Don’t ask me how these two became an item, except it has something to do with “selling out,” “being inauthentic” and “downright sucking” but alas, they formed a union and then spawned a little fameling named Bronx Mowgli. Why yes, that is the dumbest baby name ever. No offense Bronx, but your name is lame.

Apparently, before Ashlee (Ashhole, or Asslee as she’s affectionately known) hooked up with Pete, he dated that little lass best known as Dawn Summers from Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Michelle Trachtenberg.

I have nothing against Michelle, as she keeps her crotch covered and her face out of the tabloids — that’s golden for me. But even her presumed innocence couldn’t keep Hollyweird from tainting her with its foul stain. More from the SF Chronicle:

Ashlee Simpson has apologized to her husband’s ex-girlfriend Michelle Trachtenberg after launching a vicious verbal attack on the actress at a party in Los Angeles on Monday night.

The singer/actress attended the DJ Hero party at L.A.’s Wiltern Theater with her husband Pete Wentz, and the couple was seated close to the “Gossip Girl” star, who dated the Fall Out Boy rocker before his marriage.

The pop star is reported to have been furious about the slip-up, with a source telling celebrity blogger Perez Hilton, “She (Simpson) was staring directly at Michelle and starting hurling insults at her. Pete looked mortified.”

Partygoers then allegedly restrained Simpson when the scrap escalated.

And now a spokesperson for the star has issued a statement about the incident, insisting Simpson has since made peace with Trachtenberg and apologized for her behavior.

The rep tells America’s OK! magazine, “It was just a misunderstanding. Ashlee has since apologized to Michelle and they remain on good terms.

What the SF article doesn’t mention is a classy quote from Ashlee on the night in question. After taunting and harassing poor Michelle all night, she put the icing on the cake with this gem:

“I hope you know, the whole time you were dating Pete, I was fucking him!”

Holy Grow The Eff Up Dumbass! What the hell kind of self-esteemed challenged dipshit says crap like this? It’s not like Michelle WAS with Pete AFTER Ashlee and had stolen the little troll from her. And more importantly, and certainly more SIGNIFICANTLY, who fights over a guy like Pete Wentz? Methinks Ashlee has some major inferiority issues to overcome and I’d strongly suggest she get that nonsense worked out before she gives birth to any more children.

Now before you call me bitter, old, mean and cranky (which I am) this isn’t the first time Asslee’s let the drink get the best of her. I offer exhibit A.)

While I do feel cheap and dirty talking about this immature incident, I would like to point out that this further illustrates to the world, that by putting these poptarts on a pedestal, we’re only encouraging their already anti-social traits.

Ashlee, just because you apologized doesn’t mean we forgive you, you best lay off the sauce, no one likes a rude drunk.

And as for you Pete Wentz, in the infamous words of Andy Stizter in the 40-Year Old Virgin (at the 3:21 mark): “You should keep your ho on a leash…Bitch’s running wild man!”

Source: D