Janice Dickinson was a very pretty supermodel back in the day. In fact, she claims that she was the FIRST supermodel in the world (stand in line, many others have claimed the same.) And while this may (or not) be true, one thing is: Dickinson has chosen to NOT age gracefully and has turned her face into a botoxed, face-lifted morph-a-thon of a mess.

Dickinson has had tummy tucks, numerous face lifts and breast implants. Coupled with her not-so-fabulous reputation of trash talking and wacky, drunken behavior over the years, the former is beauty is not so super any more. And that’s putting it mildly.

We got a little help from Wiki on Ms Dickinson’s background:

Janice has been married and divorced three times and her past lovers include BOTH male and female suitors. Warren Beatty, Sylvester Stallone, Jack Nicholson, Laim Neeson, Mick Jagger, Dolph Lundgren,Grace Jones, Kelly LeBrock, and Bruce Willis. And in an interview on the Howard Stern Show (hate the man) in 2007, Dickinson bragged to have had sex with over 1,000 men.

Yikes! I am amazed that she can still find people who are still willing to sleep with her after that statement. Woah! Better double up guys and gals! *wink

Dickinson, ever the media-monster, was recently caught by the paps exiting Nobu Restaurant the other night. And man, what an exit it was!

Janice, who is known for speaking her mind, was slurring her words and was seen swatting at paps with her shawl, swearing at everyone in sight and hiking up her dress. How lovely!

Dickinson was escorted by a mystery man, who looked like he was going to actually let her drive. But thankfully he manned up and got in the driver’s seat. I also think part of the blame was the valet driver of Nobu Restaurant for willingly handing over the keys to Janice without so much as batting an eyelash. Janice was obviously three sheets to the wind and never should have climbed into that driver’s seat to begin with. I think these places have an obligation to keep drunk people off the road and should be held responsible. Famous or not. I am not against anyone having a little fun, but have the sense to call a cab people, or hand the keys over to someone else. 

Perhaps it was the paps telling Janice not to drive drunk, that prompted mystery dude to finally step in and take over the wheel.
Whew! Score one for the paps, it’s nice to see they are good for something.

As her car pulled away and Janice yelled out of the window:

“I’m totally fucked up!” 

Wow, thanks Ms. Obvious for that update!

Janice’s ex modeling career, has turned towards participating in the oh so popular, not so realistic, reality show phenomenon.  She has been in a few movies and has a few best seller books under her belt, but I guess she can’t stay away from these reality shows and making an ass out of herself for all to see.

On MTV’s Surreal Life, she was seen writhing against Jose Canseco and Bronson Pinchot, in which she was rejected by the BOTH of them. 

Oh Janice…. Rejected by Brosnon Pnchot? Bronson who played Balki Bartokomous? And you showed your face after that? Oh how the mighty have fallen.

As Balki used to say on Perfect Strangers, “Don’t be ridiculous”.

Back in 2007, TV Guide voted Janice one of the top 50 dumbest celebs, due to her Twelve Days of Christmas promo *cringe* for her show. Watch with caution!

Janice also stars in the “Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency” show, on the Oxygen women’s network. She supposedly has another season around the corner according to the Oxygen website, where Janice also has a blog (the blog is terribly outdated, kind of like Janice).

Oxygen says the new season’s slogan is “this time it will be her rules, and at her house”. But on the website message board, people are asking if there are any new episodes coming in 2009 and one person said she was glad she was off he air. So I have no idea what is going on.

Her latest reality project fiasco, will be as part of the cast of NBC’s new reality show, “I’m a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here!”. Not quite sure why Janice is not in the group shot of the cast on NBC’S website. Maybe she was nursing a hangover that day.

This is yet ANOTHER celebrity reality show, which was filmed in the Costa Rican jungle. I am sure the 4-star hotel was probably VERY close by, ‘cuz you know, it’s SO real. Janice previously participated in the UK version of this show, which was filmed in Australia, back in 2007.

Perhaps Janice agreed to do this show, because her latest Orbit Gum commercial, wasn’t enough dough for her. The Orbit logo, in case you aren’t familiar with it, says, “Dirty Mouth? Clean It Up!” Ironically, Orbit gum had no luck in cleaning up Janice’s trash mouth. Quite the opposite.

NBC plans to air the show June 1st and Janice will be joining a bevy of other has-beens/never-weres: bible thumper Stephen Baldwin (ick), newlyweds Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt (puke), Lou Diamond Phillips (where the hell has he been?), former pro basketball player John Salley (who?) former pro-wrestler and model Torrie Wilson (meow I already see a cat fight on the horizon? NATCH) and Sanjaya Malakar. You know Sanjaya, right? The kid with all that hair from American Idol, who couldn’t sing a lick to save his life? Yup that Sanjaya.

The one good thing about this show?  I heard the money will be going to charity, other than that…sorry can’t find any other redeeming qualities, or why I would tune in.

I am sure Janice will not disappoint her audience and will be back to her usual loud mouth and drunken antics, if she can find any booze in the jungle.  She is supposedly ready to pounce on “The Hills” star Spencer Pratt. That might be worth seeing, but only if she claws his eyes out.

Janice was quoted as saying:

“She feels like a cat — and the ball of yarn is Pratt.”

Careful now cougar, Pratt is a newlywed, I don’t think Heidi will go for any “jungle fever” between you and Pratt, neither will Pratt for that matter.

Ex-Illinois Governor Blagojevich was supposed to be on this show too, but since the show was to filmed in Costa Rica, he was considered a flight risk due to him being arrested and accused for a butt load of crimes. Thankfully the judge denied Blagojevich’s request to be on the show.

Not sure, but I think people would have become mighty steamed to seeing Blagojevich on a reality show and having NBC pay him the $320,000.00 that they were willing to fork over. Gives a new meaning to dumb asses and proof people will do anything for a damn buck. 

Oh! So getting back to Nobu restuarant,

In a drunken stupor, Janice asks one of the paps if he goes to church, and told one pap: “I love you guys” and told another “fuck you”.
And for some odd reason, Janice said to the paps:

“Miss America is an asshole…… did you say she sucked Donald Trump’s *bleep*?” 

She then proceeded to hike her dress up while attempting to strike some sexy poses. She gets an F for FAIL.

Apparently, Janice has done this before. In the picture below, you see her coming out of a restaurant in the UK where she walks out, and then bingo! She hiked up her dress to show off her panties and scrawny legs.  I guess she thinks everyone is interested in what she has under her dress…hmmm I might be in serious trouble with my granny panties.

Hey Janice! Put that thing away woman! Nobody wants to see it and besides, we don’t know where it’s been. Yeesh !

So is Janice trying to make “dress hiking” her signature thing? How long until the tabloids start saying,”Oh so and so pulled a Dickinson the other night”? You heard it hear first!

Of course knowing Janice, she would probably love that.  But don’t believe us, you can watch the videos for yourself….
TMZ caught the whole thing on video and it’s quite a show, if you like train wrecks (and we do!) There is also another version posted on YouTube from Hollywoood TV.

A little more about Miz Mess, because we know you are gluttons for punishment.

Janice has a few best seller books under her belt. First one was entitled,No Lifeguard on Duty: The Accidental Life of the Word’s First Supermodel and the follow-up book in 2004 titled, Everything About Me Is Fake and I’m Perfect.
Well, at least half of that title is right.  

And her most recent book was cheerfully title, Check Please! Dating Mating and Extricating, based on the 1,000+ lovers, she easily could have ended that with “Fornicating,” ah semantics.

Janice, who refers to herself as the “The Big Dog” in her latest novel, discusses the men of her life and gives “special rules” in order to date according to their own limits and desires.

WTF? She has limits? Call me crazy, but I don’t think a women who has been married and divorced three times and claims to have slept with over 1,000 men, should be advising anyone on dating. Either that, or it should be only one page long. 

The title should read something like, “Dating Tips By Janice Dickinson. Page One…See a guy, have a few drinks, screw him and move on to the next. The End.”

Now in Janice’s defense, I do have a TEENY TINY soft spot for her because of her dysfunctional upbringing. She had to deal with an abusive, violent father and a mother who was addicted to drugs. 
So perhaps her wacky behavior and her I don’t give a shit attitude helps her cope with her sad past. But one must be careful with this devil-may-care attitude. As the years start ticking by, it will only look sadder and sadder on her.

People who once were in the limelight, and who are caught on film boozing it up in public, and starring in reality shows with B-Listers, can be headed for an even longer downward spiral.
Especially if the phone stops ringing and you are stuck with having to take a commercial hawking the protective layers and wings of Kotex.

 
So Janice, if your reading this…

Sorry, your just not all that any more,  and that’s ok dear.
Stop being a a total train wreck all the time.  Saucy is good,  but gross is a different story. People are laughing AT you, not WITH you.

Go get some serious help woman. And I don’t mean starring on Celebrity Rehab either. Don’t you dare call her Pinsky! You have two kids to take care of, who need the RIGHT support and they want to see their mother live a nice long life. 
So clean it up! Will yah?

If not for you, then do it for your kids Nathan and Janice.

Source: Queen