Scientology Sweethearts Who Play Together, Stay Together

Danny Masterson, 33, aka Hyde from “That ’70’s Show” and Bijou Phillips, 28, have been dating for over 3 years and recently got engaged to be married. Well, no big whoop there.

They live together, they SCIENTOLOGY together, and recently co-starred with Ving Rhames in the soon to be or not to be released movie called….The Bridge to Nowhere.

I kid you not.

I thought perhaps it was either the perfect title for the next “B” movie or a documentary about Scientologists’ journey up the “OT levels” of Scientology’s Bridge To Total Freedom.

Being that Masterson was raised into Scientology by his parents, as well as his brother Chris (of “Malcom In The Middle” stardom), Masterson and Phillips would have never accepted that script! They are hard core L. Ron Hubbard ass kissers.

Masterson got Bijou into Scientology.

Brother Chris introduced his girlfriend Laura Prepon (who was also on that 70′ show) to knock boots with Scientology. Then they told two people, and they told two people…and….

Hey guys, news flash: The jigg is up, it’s not cool to be a Scientologist any more. It was never cool to be a Scientologist, but that didn’t stop them from paying a butt load of money to help “clear the planet”.

Danny said this about his “religion”: “I have always been in Scientology my entire life. Each service in Scientology is something I have added to my toolbox of data for living.”

Pity Danny and bro Chris were brainwashed at such an early age.

The Bridge To Nowhere has no release date as of yet. Quoted from the National Ledger, the flick, starring Ving Rhames “plays a sort of Godfather to these four Caucasian friends from the north side of Pittsburgh,” he says. “Their lives are at a dead end so they create a high end escort service … become pimps, for lack of a better word.”

Don’t you love it when life imitates art, or in this case art imitates life. Danny and Bijou, two Caucasions at a career dead end become pimps…for Scientology. I can see the stampede to the ticket booth now.

I am sure every Scientologist will be told to go see this movie when and if it hits the theatres at least 5 times a piece to try to get those numbers up.

Sadly, that plan failed miserably forValkyrie. There weren’t enough Scientologits left in the world to help that train wreck.

There are even less Scientologists now to help boost the numbers of this soon to video store stinker.

If (and I mean WHEN) the film bombs, no worries for Masterson, as he can always fall back on his royalties from the “70’s Show” reruns, he also owns Dolce Restaurant and he makes dough from his new gig being a DJ.

Yes! he is touring as a DJ these days. Sounds like a cool enough gig amirite? He sort of blew it though, when he decided to call himself “DJ MomJeans” (formerly DJ Donkey Punch).

No, I am not drunk. That is the DJ name he chose. He has a MySpace page for DJ Momjeans and has HIMSELF and Bijou listed as his friends. LOL!

Who is he DJ’ing for? Sears at the mall?
I can just hear it now…. Let’s give it up for Danny Masterson better known as DJ MomJeans, and hey when your done getting down people, head on over to raise the roof in our misses department for some really dope deals. Holla!

On to Bijou Phillips. Sounds like the name of a Pekinese that took first in the AKC Ukanube Dog Show. Bijou is the love child of John Phillips (deceased member of the Mamas and the Papas, who I adored when I was young) and Geneviève Waïte.

Her bio lists her as a model/singer/actress. What ev.
She was born a “premie” under “interesting circumstances” on April Fool’s day on a couch in Connecticut. Her Godfather was Andy Warhol. I swear, you can’t make this crap up. It certainly does explain an awful lot though. She is close friends with Nicky and Paris Hilton and also BFF’s with bad girls Nicole Richie, Kim Kardashain and Lindsey Lohan.

She is a “famous for being famous” gal. BLECH! Need I say more? Well yes of course I will!

She bared all for Playboy back in 2000 and I bet her buddy Paris thought that was “hot”. Once when asked about her formal modeling career, she said “It was like, I wanted to go swimming in the ocean, but I was jumping up and down in a puddle.”

And I was like… go jump in the ocean Bijou, and then I will jump up and down.

Oh yes, what about that Scientology wedding?

I would imagine it will be a “double ring” Scientology ceremony. Scientology vows are SO special. They include such quaint advice to the groom as “Now Danny, girls need clothes and food and tender happiness and frills, a pan, a comb, perhaps a cat. All caprice if you will, but still they need them,”

And to the bride: “Hear well, sweet Bijou, for promise binds. Young men are free and may forget. Remind him that you may have necessities and follies too.”

Sounds like Danny is going to have all the fun and she is going to be home with a cat and combing her hair.

Rumor has it that they are the new “sexy scientologists” (is there such a thing?) and are taking over TomKat’s spot. What will their new meshed name be? (which I detest by the way) DanBi?

I am sure Danbi’s wedding will be jammed packed with fellow Scientologists because “Scientology wedding ceremonies have considerable meaning to all who attend.”

Well of course they do. Anyone who believes in body thetans, Xenu and the babblings of dead Sci Fi writer L. Ron Hubbard, will certainly swallow this crap!

(posted by Glosslip contributor Queen)

Source: D