All celebrity gossip is subject to the side-eye, with the exception of anything involving celebrity Scientologists. Pretty much every crazy-ass story you hear about these cult-lovers is true, including Scientology making Katie Holmes’ hair grow five inches overnight. They are magical, you know, like unicorns!

So this week in Katie “Scibot” Holmes news, we have two fairly juicy stories. One has to do with her hair and one has to her keeping a confessional diary for husband Tom Cruise.

Let’s start with the confessionals. The Daily Mail had an article out this weekend about Katie writing down her “marital transgressions” and gives them to hubby Cruise. From the Daily Mail:

Katie Holmes may be coming to the end of her Purification Rundown diet, but it seems she isn’t stopping there with her commitment to Scientology. I can reveal that the 30-year-old actress resolves problems with her husband Tom Cruise by making weekly written confessions, as laid out in the Scientology code.

‘Katie has to confess to something as minor as forgetting to tell him she has met with a friend,’ says a source. ‘If she commits a transgression against the moral code of their marriage, she has to tell Tom in writing, giving full details of the time and place and what happened.’

Katie is currently filming The Extra Man in New York but will return to Los Angeles in May to try for her second child.

Sound weird, crazy, absurd? Well, that pretty much describes Scientology. Sadly, this isn’t out of the ordinary for followers of the strange cult. Part of the entire process of Scientology’s teachings is to dig deep into a person’s life and find their “ruin,” which is just another word for secrets. We all have them. I remember that one time when I was four years old and I swiped a pack of gum from the store when my mom wasn’t looking and like a dumb-dumb, told my mom while we were heading to the care. Well, my mom, who is NOT a Scientologist, made me march back in, return the gum and plead for mercy. I learned my lesson, but in Scientology’s world, you’d have this and much, much worse taped or transcribed and put into your folder for “safe” keeping.

Not unlike Catholic confessions the Scientology confessionals are meant to help you get to the heart of what is troubling you. Sounds like therapy, but unlike traditional therapy, Scientology keeps these secrets on record and will threaten to expose them if you leave or speak poorly of the cult. Yeah, they are that creepy.

So basically poor Katie has to tell Tom every time she keeps something from him, even the most mundane and ridiculous. Sounds like my marriage, except I tell my husband to STFU if he questions me. What? Can’t a wife have secrets?

Now, about that new weave of Katie’s.

Katie and her master Tom were out in Tokyo for the premiere of that movie Valkyrie, and Katie looks different.

Just last week we were seeing pictures of Katie looking like some kind of cult-escapee. Oh wait, she hasn’t escaped, but she still looked like absolute hell. Now, hundreds of reports of her being on a weird Scientology detox program later, and she’s back to the Katie we used to know. The Katie who still had her brain in tact. Color me jaded and NOT surprised.

This is so typical of Scientology’s damage control. They are like politicians scanning the polls, but in this case, the tabloids. They see the tide turning against the new Stepford Katie and her washed out look, and they decide to bring back the “old” Katie. The only problem with that strategy is we know it’s the same Katie but with a weave. Unless they put Katie’s brain and personality back, it’s still the same old brainwashed Katie we’ve come to know and shake our head at. Nice play Scientology, but it’ll take more than a synthetic weave to fool us!

Source: D