Paula Goodspeed Dies
by TVGrapevine

Last week, a mentally disturbed fan of Paula Abdul, who had crossed the boundary between fan and star more than once (twice this year involving the police and disturbing the peace), committed suicide not far from Paula’s home:

Paula Goodspeed, 30, who auditioned in front of the show’s three judges in 2006, was found dead on Tuesday just outside of Paula Abdul’s home in Sherman Oaks, Calif. Police said the death was an apparent suicide by drug overdose, and Goodspeed—who was allegedly stalking Abdul—had a photo of the “Idol” star in her car, along with some of Paula’s CDs and a license plate that read “ABL LV”–”Abdul Love.” On her MySpace page, she admitted that Paula was “My Secret Crush shhhhh!!” Goodspeed sent Paula flowers the day before her death (the note: “Hope you’re doing great. Here’s my new cell phone number”) and apparently her real name wasn’t even Paula. People Magazine reports that it was Sandra, and Goodspeed changed it so she could be more like the “Idol” judge.

I had dispensed with the juggernaut known as AI by the time this woman auditioned, but I watched the video of it online, and it was disturbing at best:

She went before the judges in 2006 dressed in pink from head to toe. She proclaimed her love for Paula, without a trace of irony. “I really like Paula Abdul a lot,” she said. “She’s really cool. I’m a really big fan.” Goodspeed even wasn’t embarrassed to confess that she’d been drawing life-sized pictures of Paula ever since she was a kid, which the producers, of course, went on to show us. If she was a bad artist, she was an even worse singer. The judges cringed as she performed a screechy rendition of “Proud Mary.” “I don’t think any artist in the world can sing with that much metal in their mouth,” Simon said, in reference to her braces. When Goodspeed was booted off the show, she immediately attacked. “I was pitchy on a couple notes, big f—ing deal. There’s a lot of people they send to Hollywood who can’t really hold a note,” she said. And then she said cryptically: “It’s not over.” The line seems eerie now, but Godspeed seemingly got what she wanted: fame, and the attention of Abdul, who released a statement about her death. “I am deeply shocked and saddened by what transpired,” said Paula.

If you’ve watched any AI at all, you know that before the season really gets started, they have a few weeks of episodes devoted to the auditions.  Needless to say, they can be quite eyeopening and somewhat life-affirming (you tend to think, “Hey, I may be bad, but at least I’m not that bad!”).

And I admit that I watched AI for a couple of seasons (Ruben and Fantasia), but I finally had enough.  I think the audition tapes did it for me…it just felt wrong to be sitting in my comfortable living room watching people on my TV who were just on there because they were Just. That. Bad.  Very few are chosen because they are the Next Big Thing, but because they are Today’s Worst Thing…Until Somebody Worse Comes Along In The Next Five Minutes.  And this happens on a national–some might even argue world-wide–level.  I mean, which of us wants to be ridiculed by the world at large just because we sang off-key?  Full-time celebs realize that snark is part of the game, and that any press coverage is good press coverage, but these are just your average Joe and Jane who think they possibly have a shot at the big time and who find it hard to just go back:

Goodspeed kept her head held high as she left. “It’s not over,” she told the producers. “I’m not going to stop singing just because you don’t like my voice.”

A month after her episode aired, Goodspeed revealed her pain in a MySpace blog.

“It’s very hard reading such awful things being written about yourself … or hearing things being said,” she wrote.

So, have we as a public encouraged this behavior?  Is this sort of thing akin to pointing and laughing at the “weird” kid in school?  In my opinion, there are arguments to be made both ways.

For one thing, it is obvious from watching this woman’s audition tape that she wasn’t going to make it as a singer.  She just wasn’t, and that wasn’t the fault of Simon or Randy or Paula or anyone else associated with the show, nor did it have anything to do with her quirky fashion sense or her dental work.  And I’ve stuck up for Simon before, in that he doesn’t give horrible singers false hopes about themselves.  If you aren’t talented enough to make it, he doesn’t give you a reason to think otherwise.  However, I do believe that there are times when lines are crossed and things are said that simply shouldn’t be said. or which could be worded differently.  You can tell someone they aren’t going to make it without resorting to making fun of their braces (as Simon did in this case).  And let’s face it…if the AI people didn’t think this stuff wouldn’t bring in ratings, they wouldn’t air the horrific auditions.  They apparently thought that the footage of this obviously mentally disturbed woman (and other bad auditions) would bring in ratings and subsequently dollars.  It’s the only reason for airing it.

But then again, why was this woman on the show in the first place?  If you watch the footage, it is clear that this woman had some problems.  To let her into a room with Paula Abdul was, in my opinion, a foodhardy thing to do.  Her family have come out and said that AI crushed her dreams, that they didn’t give her a chance, that she was talented, that she was simply a fan and not a stalker, but from the things I’ve seen I have to think otherwise.  And that’s where I do agree with Simon’s viewpoint, if not his tactics…sometimes the kindest thing we can do for someone is teach them their limitations.  I’m not a Nobel Prize-winning author, and I know I’m not, so for someone to come along and convince me that I am would be detrimental to me personally, should I believe them.  And while we all want to believe that our child/sibling/family member is the best at what they do, to encourage them past the limits of natural ability can be, quite frankly, just as cruel as flat-out telling them they suck.

I mean, I have celebs of whom I am a fan.  I buy their movies, read about them in articles, and have used photos of them as wallpaper on my desktop.  But there’s a line, a point when the little switch clicks and says, “Okay, this is now going too far,” and I think most people do have that switch.  Unfortunately, some do not, or their switch is broken…had this continued, could Paula Abdul have been the next Rebecca Shaefer?  Goodspeed had already changed her first name to “Paula”, had run-ins with the law concerning Paula and inappropriate behavior, exhibited extreme fan-worship actions, and had a bit of a history of mental health issues.  She had wasted away to about 80 pounds for various reasons, one of which undoubtedly was the stress and pain of being rejected and humiliated by the very star machine which she wished to join.  Was this a time-bomb waiting to go off?

And would AI be airing these specials if there were not a demand for them to start with?  I watched a commercial for them once, and I could not help but wonder what the person in the spot would be thinking every time that ad came on television.  Yes, they sign a waiver before they audition, and yes, they realize they are going to be on TV and teh internets…but does the average person really comprehend what they are getting into with something like this?  Do they truly have any concept?  And I believe that most people don’t bother going to the audition if they think they stink, so it stands to reason that they believe they are talented, whether they actually are or not.  Being turned down is one thing, being humiliated is another.  Are we so desperate either for entertainment or for self-confidence that we must resort to worldwide humiliation in the name of entertainment?  Would you prevent your child from making fun of a mentally disturbed person in a public place, but then teach them that making fun of them in the privacy of your house is okay?

So I believe there is enough blame to go around in this case.  But I do wonder just what it says about us as a viewing public when we are so eager to point and laugh one day, and point fingers and assign blame the next day.  However, we need to realize that the fingers aren’t only pointing at other people.  For whom does the bell toll?

Source: k